


Rebuilding

by Lyrishadow



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:00:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27428314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrishadow/pseuds/Lyrishadow
Summary: Peta Shepard is a marine, and a good one; her file is full of good marks, great skills, and commendations. She was marked for the N program early on. At 23 she is a Lieutenant and in charge of a contingent of marines sent to Akuze. Twenty marines in her squad, out of 50 in the unit. Akuze breaks her.Her mother is a Navy officer and has called in the help of friends - old ones, ones her husband knew; with their help, her daughter might come up from where she has landed. With their help, she might just end up saving the galaxy.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Kudos: 7





	1. Akuze

**Author's Note:**

> Bioware of course owns the stuff, but I've taken some poetic liberty with some of the content.  
> This is about Akuze, and what I imagine it would do to a person, how I imagine I would deal with it myself. There is usually a discussion on whether a person can write what they have not experienced, let me just say I know what PTSD can do.

Peta Shepard had always led by being transparent and using integrity as her anchor, it never dawned on her to be anything else. Raised in space by navy parents, who put a value on hard work and honor, she had a decent well-adjusted childhood.  
Peta had come to armed service the traditional way going up the ranks faster than expected. She was a marine, and through hard work she scored higher in her technical, physical, and psychological exams than any of her peers. She had never hidden her thoughts or feelings on things, though keeping within official parameters. The chain of command was absolute.

Her first command was Akuze. Not many knew that being sent to Akuze as xo was meant to be a promotion. She bonded with her squad on Acturus and then on the four day jump to Akuze. There were fifty marines in the entire detail, her squad was a portion of it that she was in charge of.  
"Toombs" she grinned at the Corporal "Are we walking into trouble?"  
"Sitrep ma'am?" He was nervous as a marine, stiff, but still, he was a skilled com's operator and she had been trying to get him to relax since they left Arcturus.   
"Yes that " she sighed  
"Don't worry ma'am, Toombs just has a crush on You."   
"Laugh it up pretty boy," she replied, "Stevens. I saw you with that lieutenant,"   
"She's … not. " Stevens turned red at the laughter of his squadmates. Shepard scanned their faces looking for anyone who was struggling.  
"Private?" it must be his first tour he looked about 16 had to be 18 of course "Farin, you okay?"   
"Yes ma'am." Came a tentative reply. Shepard nodded to Green her second to look after the kid.  
Not that anyone was old, Shepard was 23yrs old, commendations all over the place, a biotic to boot, she had already been flagged for N training. Spec ops like this mission were her element, she thrilled to combat but also the mystery. She already knew they were headed into the unknown.  
"Sitrep Corporal, loud for Scally down the back." Twenty marines she knew by name, had been constantly honest with them about how unknown a mission this was.  
"Akuze colony went dark three days ago, no response to multiple attempts to hail them."  
"Are we still trying?"   
Toombs nodded. " Weather is incremental, rain is expected in the evening. The colony layout is as follows."  
They went through the lay of the land, what to expect, and where they would be set down. Akuze was a large field, Peta could see the reason for the numbers.  
"Damnit we got the school." It was Stevens who spoke what they had all noticed.   
"Keep your heads," Peta warned, " whatever we find might be grim, but we are marines, these colonists deserve our due diligence."  
"Aye-aye ma'am" in unison from her squad echoed around the dropship.   
"Ready to get on the ground?" She asked a grin on her face as they cried yes.  
"Lieutenant Shepard?" Toombs asked looking up at her.  
"Yes, Corporal Toombs?"   
"Congratulations on your promotion ma'am. We…" he coughed as Greenhanded a gun-shaped package to her "got you something from all of us."   
Twenty salutes went up. One of theirs, A marine. They must have made the plans on Arcturus when they were training together. She was their CO and they were proud.  
She opened the terribly wrapped package and stowed the paper under the seat.  
"Aw." Her turn to be amazed, a new model shotgun, a tool she loved to use with her biotics. It had her name and new rank engraved on it.   
"Thank you all"   
"We have a vested interest in keeping you fighting," Stevens said with a lopsided grin "best CO ever."   
She smiled to herself until she had an incoming alert on her omnitool.  
"Business time folks." She said, checking her new gum was ready. "Let’s hit the ground running." 

Landing on Akuze was eerie, it was quiet, windless, small puddles of water stood around was left of the colony.   
"Green take 10 and go left, rest of you with me."  
"Aye aye" Green nodded and called 10 names at random.   
"Keep your eyes open, coms channel four"  
" Lieutenant, do you read?" The voice belonged to her direct superior, who landed with 10 troops, "patching you in the shared channel." Peta gestured to Toombs to do just that.  
"Nothing found, not a thing." reported Green calmly, " going to keep moving."   
Peta organized her men and instructed them to move along a grid looking for clues. They found no-one.   
"I found something odd. " Green radioed" Evidence of ground quakes."  
"Quakes? " Shepard echoed.  
"Cracked buildings." Green confirmed, "foundations fractured."  
"Any leads Commander?" Shepard called into her superior officer.   
"Some kind of acid, not sure." There was a pause "field kit cant identify it."   
"What the hell are we dealing with Sir?"  
"Not sure. We need to send samples back to the ship." Her Commander paused "that means we bunk down here, we send the transport back with samples."  
"Aye aye." She acknowledged breaking off communication.  
"Stevens, Feron with me, the rest of you make camp."  
"Yes ma'am."  
"We are going to check the school." Shepard told them, "we need to."   
The school was a central building in their quadrant, and Shepard knew something was off when they found the door shattered on its hinge.  
"Shit." She muttered as she pushed the remaining part open. Most of the one-room school was empty, drag marks on the floor said something had happened.   
"Ma'am," Feron stated the next sound was a dry wretch.  
A half-eaten corpse, a woman by the looks. Shepard scanned with her omni tool.   
"Something big ate the colonists…"   
The sound from Stevens was equally desperate and when she turned he pointed to the corner. More dead, though this time they looked melted.  
"Gods."   
"Acid." She said verifying it by throwing a small piece of the broken door into it which dissolved into goo.  
"This isn’t enough people to account for an entire colony."  
"Shepard, do you read?"Green was calling, a hint of desperation in his voice " stay where you are… the ground is moving,"  
"The ground is moving?" A thousand possible entities flashed through her mind "Green get the men and bug out, if it’s what I believe it is we are in trouble."  
"We need to get back to them now." She ordered the two with her. In her mind, she had played animal vegetable mineral and come up with something that spits acid and eats people.  
"Toombs send out a mayday. Then contact the Commander and open the bloody channel for everyone.” The mayday was sent, but it might not be in time or enough. The darker it got, the more overcast the sky grew, the more the ground moved.  
“Commander?” Shepard called on the open channel “Commander do you read?”  
“He’s gone.” a voice, small and afraid replied, “They are all… gone..”  
She kept a running tally of casualties in her head. 9 marines.  
“Get to high ground, this is an order, away from the open.”  
“Sorry. Maám. “ the sound was muffled but it sounded like Green “The beasts are… “ there was a scream and then silence. Eerie silence.   
Stevens glanced at her and shook his head.  
“Did we just lose our people maám?” she wasn’t sure, not until they saw for themselves, Large worm-like creatures, two or three of them, rising out of the ground where the soldiers had been set up for the camp.  
“Shit.” Shepard yelled “Get to cover. NOW”  
“Is anyone else alive in the other units?” She had open coms now, wanting confirmation of casualties, assuming command because it was what was needed.  
“Two of us made it here Ma’am.” a voice came back “On the far side of district 2”  
That was the other large contingent of troops. `18 dead there, 17 of her own men, and 9 from the central district group. Out of 50 marines, 45 were dead in the first hit.  
“Can you hold out? We have to last until morning.”  
“We will go down with a fight Maám.” the others confirmed, the one solitary person left in central was silent now. She had to presume him dead too.   
“Try and move towards us, carefully.” She suggested, gods she hoped they could make it, but from what she guessed it wasn’t going to be easy. “Avoid the center keep to the outside.”  
“Aye aye, Ma’am.”  
Shepard glanced at the two remaining marines. She had a difficult choice now, they should start heading towards the men from district 2, the sooner they could regroup the better.  
“We need to head towards central. Keep low, follow closely,” she ordered.  
They managed to skirt the rest of their district, broken windows, cracks in the foundations, these worms had done a lot of damage here. Worms she supposed, she had never seen anything like it before.  
“Lieutenant…” It was Feron behind her, his voice sounded weary.   
“We have to keep going.” In the dark and wet and cold, they had to keep moving. “If we stop they will kill us.”  
“Ma’ am please…”   
“Stevens carry him for a bit,” Shepard ordered trying to ascertain the problem. The kid was exhausted but it didn’t seem right. She knew they had to keep going regardless.   
They came around a corner face to face with a large worm, it was angry but Shepard was prepared for a fight. Throwing a hard biotic charge towards the creature she dodged the acid and managed to weaken it enough to the point it was close to death when it went back underground.  
She turned to look at her two squadmates and saw another maw rise up behind them, too late to scream at them to dodge she could only watch helplessly as it retrieved them and took them underground.  
“Anyone left out there?” she called again, now on her own. 47 marines gone. The silence told her to add another two. Was she really the only one left?  
She used her omnitool to scan for incoming calls, keeping on the move to avoid the evil creatures. By morning she was glad she had her ration bars in the pocket and was able to keep moving. She saw the shuttle before she heard anyone talk. Someone jumped off and ran to her as she finally collapsed, exhausted, feet bloody, scenes of death she would rather never see again flashing in her mind. 49 marines unaccounted for. They were all gone.


	2. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old friends, new ones, someone who can help her.

The hospital where they had her was in Vancouver, she could see sky, trees and the twinkling blue ocean. Peta had no idea why she was alive. Her feet would still take time to heal and she was mentally exhausted as well. She thought they might be ready to turn her loose. A sole survivor is bad luck for a squad, she didn't want to bring that on anyone. 

"She stares at that window all day. She won't talk except to say she must be bad luck." Hannah Shepard stared at her daughter, "she won't even talk to me,"   
"We need to get her out of here." Captain Anderson said quietly " I have an old acquaintance who has an orchard in central BC, maybe with some time she will find her way back."   
"I hope so." Hannah sighed, right now she just wanted her daughter to surface.

Anderson collard Corporal Kaiden Alenko, he had a plan and it heavily relied on the marine,   
"You have some vacation leave coming don't you? I need to ask you a big favour."  
"Sir?"  
"I gather you heard of Akuze, and the horrible tragedy there?"  
"Yes. One marine out of 50 survived, it was a massacre..."  
"I have that survivor and I need your help. She needs to come up for air and soon. Shepard is a good soldier, one of the best, be damned if we lose her to PTSD."  
Kaidan eyed him a moment then sighed.  
"What can i do?"  
"Take her to your parents in BC, they are expecting her.  
“That's it?”  
“She is in bad shape, Corporal, maybe you should meet her before you decide.”  
“I will meet her, but if she needs help I don’t know if I am the right person.” Kadian had his own ghosts to deal with “Surely someone…”  
“Who has already gotten through something big?” Anderson replied “I know your past, your dad is a friend of mine. In fact the three of us - your father, her father and myself enlisted together a long time ago.”  
“Where is her family?”  
“Her mother is on active duty. Her father passed away about eight years ago.”  
“Ok, I will meet her.” Anderson hoped he was right about this, because if he was wrong, they would lose one of the most promising individuals the Alliance had ever seen.

“Hi there.” Kaidan noted the closed expression, the guarded, confused look. “I’m Corporal Alenko.”  
“Did they send you to give me the dismissal papers?”  
“Papers?”  
“Look, I know having your whole squad die is bad luck - so they will let me go.” she sounded tired, done with it.  
“Not from what I hear, they are lining up a medal..” he was genuinely confused, Anderson had warned him but he had hoped for something else. This person was shattered.  
"I… don't think I deserve that."  
" Some things we don't decide ourselves," Kaidan said gently, "Can I sit down?"  
" i guess." She shrugged at the chair “People think I am crazy, most of them avoid me. My mother won’t listen when I talk to her, so I gave up.”  
“Yeah parents are like that.” He nodded, then said “Speaking of parents…”  
“Hm?”  
“Apparently your dad knew mine,” Kaidan waited for some kind of reaction.   
“Oh. That's good I guess.” she glanced at him for longer this time “so we have some kind of connection?”  
“Sort of, actually, I was hoping to invite you to stay at our orchard so you can recover away from the city.” Kaidan bit his lip hoping this invitation worked.  
“Anderson asked you.” she said finally, the look she gave him was tired “So I can’t say no because that man is determined to stop me from myself.”  
“He means well, Shepard.” Kadan sadi.   
“Call me Peta.” she said, almost too quiet for Kaidan to hear. He had made progress.

Anderson summoned Kaidan to his office again after that.   
“How are you going with Shepard?”   
“Slowly sir. I got permission to call her Peta.” Kaidan sighed “I am not sure that there will be a miraculous turn around, I think we just need to keep proving her wrong.”  
“You might be right.” Anderson stood and walked to the door to let in another person. Kaidan saw the uniform and stripes and stood to attention.  
“At ease.” a female voice, filled with amusement said “You are Corporal Alenko?”  
“Yes Ma’am.”  
“God’s David, you didn’t tell me he looked like his father so much!” Hannah Shepard stared at Alenko “Sorry, relax this isn’t a review. I am Commander Hannah Shepard, currently on leave to see my daughter is okay but I need to report for duty tomorrow.”  
“Ma’am, she isn’t okay, but I think she will be.” Kaidan was sure now, his role in the recovery of Peta and getting her out to the places he loved as a kid; for all that meant dealing with his family more.   
“Oh and you are a biotic too.” Hannah sat down.  
“It isn’t catching ma’am.” Kaidan’s reply made Hannah laugh.  
“My daughter, Peta, she is biotic. I just… she won’t use it. She says things like she got her squad killed, and I can’t stop her thinking that on my own.” Hannah was serious now “She was not like this, the quiet staring out the window kind, hell she never sat still for more than ten seconds as a kid; was always curious, always into others.”   
Kaidan shifted uneasily, he could hear the grief in her tone and he had no magic offerings to help her.  
“She was promoted just before Akuze.” Anderson replied softly “I think she feels responsible for the men she was leading.”  
“Gods.” Kaidan uttered. It explained her fatalism.  
“It is hard to undo what a single night has done to that girl, but we have got to try.” Anderson was insistent now “Alenko, your leave was granted? I can extend it but I am not your superior officer at the moment.”  
“I am squared away. I go on leave tomorrow at 18:00.”  
“Why so late in the day?” Hannah frowned “Surely your CO is kinder than that?”  
“They don’t know the situation Hannah..” Anderson reminded her “Kaidan isn’t family, so he won’t get the kind of grace period you have.”  
“” Sorry Kaidan, my mind is all over the place.” Hannah was apologetic “Will you go to the orchard in a few days or ?”  
“I can pick her up tomorrow, my mum is at our Vancouver condo at the moment, I think Peta would do better to meet her here first.”  
‘“You mum….” Hannah sighed “is a wonderful woman. We always got along fairly well - except that I was in the navy, and she hated that.”  
“Yeah she worried about Dad every time he shipped out.”  
“For good reason. Peta’s Dad was killed in action, he was with your father."  
"Sorry ma'am." Kaidan replied sincerely.  
"You can never prepare for it, but Peta pulls me through, she has a lot of her dad in her." Hannah sighed "her Dad would always save people,led with his heart on his sleeve, and invested everything he had in serving others. We were stationed on the same ship when we met, he was higher rank, cared a lot more about the fact I could get into trouble for fraternization than he would."   
Kaidan was intrigued with Shepards family, it sounded so different to his but atbthe same time just as wholesome. A large disconnect from what Peta was going through right now.   
"Sounds like you had a solid life ma'am."   
Hannah Shepard looked at him thoughtfully, before she pulled a packet of old fashioned photographs from her bag. "I think you may have met Peta before."  
Kaidan frowned as he looked at the photos, they appeared to be a reunion, his parents, Hannah Shepard and Anderson. The kids were playing at their feet and he was there right in the middle, about 10 years old.  
"Oh good gravy!"   
"I thought that might amuse you. I have to go. Look after Peta, “she turned her eyes to him pleadingly “please Kaiden."  
Anderson saw her to the door, closing it again behind her.  
"I know that you normally use public transport to the orchard," he dug in his pocket and pulled out a set of keys." I want you to be able to drive her around, take my personal sky car."  
"But…"  
"She is important Alenko, you are too,need both of you at your best, I owe it to your fathers ."  
"Yes sir." Kaidan nodded but was still frowning, but took the keys.  
"Send me a message, let me know if you have issues."  
"Aye-aye."  
"And Kaidan,"  
"Sir?"  
"Have fun."

He stood by the entrance to the condo for a few moments before hitting the buzzer. He had the rest of the afternoon, and then a lastwatch shift. Enough time to talk to his mum about everything.  
"Yes?" His mother's voice answered   
"Hi mom"  
"Kaidan Alenko!" He heard the buzz as the latch unlocked for him.   
Going into the condo now was just the same as when he was a tenager, except now he had grown into his shape instead of being all arms and legs.  
"Kaidan!" His mother was waiting for him,and immediately wrapped him into a huge hug. "It feels like ithas been an age, let me look."  
He paused and allowed her to walk back a few steps⁹  
"You look well!" She took his arm and he let his mum lead him inside.  
"Yeah, I'm not here for me. Do you remember Hannah Shepard?”  
"Hannah… gosh, we haven't seen them in years, not since her husband’s funeral.”  
"Did you hear about Akuze?"  
“Your dad did, he told me a little.”she frowned “You aren’t telling me it was Hannah?”  
“No it was her daughter, Peta Shepard.” He said it quietly. “Anderson called you about her.”  
“Oh yes, the girl he wanted us to take to the orchard.” his mother nodded “I didn’t know the connection, I just heard injured soldier, so of course I said yes.”  
“Well I will be driving down there tomorrow evening after 16:00. I am coming for a few weeks as well.”  
“Oh! Your Dad is going to be excited!” His mom grinned “I am here for a sales conference this weekend, but will be home on Monday. “  
“Do you want to meet her before we go?” Kaidan asked “She’s still in the hospital downtown.”  
“I have time while you are working tomorrow. Maybe I can distract her a little bit.” Kaidan’s mum was nothing if not distracting, and it might help Peta to meet someone outside of the navy. “You are really taking leave?”   
“I am. Anderson asked me to, and I… I met her… she needs a friend or more stability. I guess. She thinks she deserved to die with her unit.”  
“How many marines were with her?”  
“There were fifty on Akuze, she is the only one they found.”  
His mother was silent for a moment, her eyes tearing up as she imagined losing Kaidan that way or having Kaidan go through that.  
“I should contact Hannah Shepard.” She murmured, “I wouldn’t know what to do if it was you in the same place.”  
“I’m fine mum. Stop imagining.” Kaidan sighed.  
“Well, what else can we do to help Peta?”  
“Normality would work, she’s still injured, I am going to be shown how to change her dressings tomorrow before we can leave.” Kaidan shook his head “She had bad burns and cuts on her feet, her boots were completely gone; but she is recovering.”  
“What did she do, run all night?”   
“Yes.” there was no use pretending things were okay for Peta, it was important for Kaidan that his mum not break down completely in front of her which was really the point of this visit. “Try not to get too emotional about her injuries; it won’t help. A soldier thinks they have failed because they hurt themselves - from what Anderson told me, and the little Peta has said - she expects this is the end of her career.”  
“It isn't though is it?”  
“No. “ Kaidan shook his head “She was flagged for N school, and she will be assigned to another mission, but she isn’t done; unless…”  
“Unless we fail to help her?”  
“Yup. No pressure.”  
“It will be okay. I have faith in our farm.”  
“Alright.” His mom put down the drink. “I am guessing you have to go?”  
“Yeah, I will see you on Monday mom.”  
“Drive safely Kaidan.”  
“Will do.”

He managed to get out of the condo and most of the way to the car when his Omnitool pinged a message; it was from Anderson and sounded stressed.  
“Inquest. They called for her to testify. I can’t stop that. Call me please.”  
Kaidan frowned, and moved to sit in the car before calling Anderson back.  
“What is going on?”  
“They are holding the inquest today, this evening. I don’t really know why the rush but they want her on deck.”  
“No video cross for it?”  
“No.” Anderson sighed “the only concession I could get was that you could be permitted to come with her as a medical aid.”  
“Sir I have…” Kaidan started to say he had to do his watch.  
“I know, I have sorted it out, or rather had Admiral Hackett sort it out.”   
It was easy to forget how well connected Anderson was, He had been a Captain now for a long time and Kaidan couldn’t imagine that it was going to be that easy to just call Hackett.  
“I am cleared to attend?”  
“You are officially on leave now.” Captain Anderson replied “Admiral Hackett has placed you on leave- I have to go,”  
“I hope I live up to your faith in me sir.” Kaidan was astounded. “I will get her to the Inquest.”


	3. Blame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inquests usually had a purpose outside of blaming the only survivor for the death of her unit. Or dragging a soldier through the coals for no reason other than to watch them squirm.

Inquests usually had a purpose outside of blaming the only survivor for the death of her unit. Or dragging a soldier through the coals for no reason other than to watch them squirm.  
“I have to do it.” Peta said when he told her about it, for the first time since they had met she lifted her chin, and stared at him with her brown eyes “This is how I can honor my squad.”

She managed to get someone to bring her uniform from her apartment for her. Kaidan went to get permission to take her off grounds and she dressed up in her uniform. She was small, petite, her dark hair was woven into a high bun and she was all business. Except for her feet which were still wrapped in swathes of bandages.  
“We got permission to travel in the provided carriage.” Kaidan said, pointing to the wheelchair “They don’t want you walking on your feet too much.”  
“Ok. What about for… leaving tomorrow?”  
“I need to learn how to change dressings, and yes it will be the same no doubt.”  
Peta sighed, looking at her feet with an annoyed frown.  
“I want to be up and around, being stuck in bed is frustrating.”  
“Things take time.” Kaidan reminded her as he pushed her through the hospital.   
“Yeah. I know, I am vanguard, remember - I like to run in and do my damage.” she sighed “Then run out again.”

They took half an hour to get to the navy headquarters where the small inquiry was being held.   
“You sure about this Peta?” Kaidan asked as he helped her into the wheelchair at the other end of the drive.  
“I have to do this.” she looked at him “You know already they are going to blame me.”  
“They might. Inquiries into things like this tend to be harsh.”  
“They won’t tell me anything I haven't told myself.”   
“It isn’t true.” Kaidan bit his lip  
“Will you stay a bit after, when we get back to the hospital?”  
“I can do that.” Kaidan frowned at her “But why?”  
“It isn’t the blame they are going to lay at my feet that worries me, it is … trying to describe what we found, and how.” She fell quiet for a moment as they went through security and up to the lift “It is describing what happened.”  
“I’m sorry..”Kaidan shook his head, even though he couldn’t imagine what she had been through.

The inquest was set up and ready to go, within a few minutes of her arriving. Designed to find some closure never mind the frayed edges of the person. His job was to make Shepard as calm as possible.

"Are you family?, if not.." the clerk poked his pen at the security tape, obviously not having been informed of Peta Shepard or Kaidan Alenko; it was too late to try and call someone. Kaidan didn't hesitate.  
"Actually I am her fiance. " he lied " I was told I could join her."   
If Peta needed his support he would give it wholeheartedly, even if he pretended to be family for a day. Peta held her tongue til they were out of earshot.  
“You’re my what? Why would you tell them that?”  
“Easier and more convincing than saying I am your brother.”  
“I am allowed to have medical aid with me” she pointed out “You could have said you were that.”  
“What’s wrong? You don’t want me to be a fake fiance?” Kaidan laughed when she sighed and threw her hands up.  
“Hope you make a loving partner…” she muttered in resignation.  
“My mum suggested this, it makes it easier when we take you home.”  
“I guess.”  
“It also means I can get you out of the hospital sooner.”  
“Ok. I am for that. But…”she shook her head “you are taking on a lot.. Just because Anderson asked you..”  
“Not just because.” Kaidan turned to look at her “You aren’t a bad person Peta, you haven’t done anything wrong, you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”  
“It…” Peta looked down and he could see the guild, the responsibility for her squad, weighing on her. “It doesn’t feel that way.”  
“Which is why” he knelt down a little in front of her “I am here for you, because I actually believe in you.”  
“Thank you.” she replied  
“So let me be here, so you don’t have to do this stuff alone.” He reminded her as he went back to pushing her chair.

The inquest as expected was brutal, the fact that Shepard was in a wheelchair did nothing to soften the tone of the Admiral questioning her.  
“Why did you survive when others did not?”   
Well as first questions go, that was not what Kaidan had expected. Peta Shepard answered slowly.  
“I did not think I was going to survive at all. I watched my entire squad die, and I couldn’t save them; I did not believe anyone would save me either all I did was run.”  
“Did you order your men to regroup?”  
“Yes sir.”  
“Did you order them to run?”  
“Yes sir.”  
“What indications did you see of what happened to the colonists who were there?”  
This is where Kaidan saw it, the shift in Peta, the glazed over eyes, the fighting inside herself, it was what she had said would happen if they asked her about these things. She switched into a monotone report on the subject:  
“We split into teams to cover more grounds, I took two men to investigate the school, at the school, there was evidence of a fight with something large, a broken door, shattered windows, foundations that had shifted, the inside revealed drag marks. Half eaten bodies and melted bodies. We believe the acid was the source of the melting; I tested it with some wood.”   
“That is what your report says.” The Admiral frowned looking down “Is there anything to add?”  
“No sir.”  
“Given no-one else survived, how do you know your report of events is accurate?”  
“You can ask the people who found me.” she replied quietly.  
“We will don’t worry.” He shifted his tone “You know why we are doing this?”  
“Sir, fifty marines were sent to investigate why the colony went quiet, we were sent to a place where an unknown had happened.” She closed her eyes “I knew my men, every single one of them, by name, where they were from. I have written to the families of all of them. If you want to blame me, then do it; it isn’t a thousand times what I haven’t asked myself, what I haven’t rehashed and re-lived in my head. If you know a way to stop the sounds of screaming I would love to know.”   
“I didn’t mean…” the Admiral was stunned to silence.  
“I only have one choice, that is to keep going. So far very few people have given me that option.” She glanced at Kaidan “ So life will go on and I have to reconcile the loss of those men, and make their death mean something.”  
"Thank you, Lieutenant. You are dismissed."  
That was that, Kaidan had never seen anyone put an Admiral in their place so effectively. Shepard was skilled with her words. One of the other Admirals pulled him aside.  
"Corporal Kaidan Alenko?"   
"Yes Sir." Reply followed by salute, nothing if not a well trained marine.  
"Shepards fiance huh?" By the eyebrow raise Kaidan figured the lie didn't get past him.  
"Yes sir?"   
"You don't know who i am?"  
"Sorry Sir."  
"Admiral Hackett." The man said in reply " If you're going to use that lie, make sure there is less truth to it."  
"Sir?" Kaidan was shocked by the statement.  
" i was watching you through this whole thing, regardless she needs people at the moment who care about her. Anderson told me you would be here."  
"Oh. I see."   
"You are not going to be in trouble." Hackett half smiled " we lost 49 marines on Akuze, damned if we lose the one who actually survived that mess."  
"I will do what i can." Kaidan replied.  
"Good." Hackett paused " You were about to be reassigned, asof course is Shepard, going to see if can get you both onsed looking at Kaidan “You know I am in charge of reassigning you two.”  
“Oh.” Kaidan looked down at his feet, why oh why did he find every avenue to sabotage himself when it came to his career.   
“Be handy to see what two biotics could do working together.” Hackett added “Let me iron out the details, but you won’t be assigned until she is.”  
Peta Shepard, it seemed, would become a fixture in his working life as well as his private life, and as much as Kaidan wanted to disagree with Hackett on how he viewed Peta, it was clear to him that she meant something, just that he wasn’t sure what.


	4. Wounds (that are healing)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hospital setting is not good for Peta, and her legs need care - so Kaidan learns to help her.

The ride back to the hospital was quieter than Kaidan expected, he had to look over at Peta to make sure she was still awake.  
"Shouldn't you be watching other cars instead of looking at me?"  
"Just checking on you."  
"I'm still here." She replied " thanks to you."  
"Me?"  
"Yeah." She shifted in the seat of the car "Might not have done so well otherwise."  
"Doing my job."  
"As Anderson told you to…"  
"As a friend." Kaidan corrected, then grinned " or fake fiancee…"  
"What did Hackett tell you?"  
"You saw that?"  
"Im very observant." She replied with a sigh " He's meant to be at Arcturus not here."  
" I forget you have a military family." Kaidan pulled into the garage of the hospital, taking extra care when parking the sky car.  
"You're a good driver," Peta told him as he helped her back into her wheelchair.  
"Its Anderson's car." Kaidan shook his head "I don't want to damage it."  
"Does that mean you drive badly otherwise?"  
"No." Kaidan laughed " I suppose I should just accept the compliment."  
"Yes. Yes you should." She paused “You didn’t answer me.”  
“Admiral Hackett wanted me to make sure you were okay.” Kaidan replied.  
“Why?” she twisted a little to look at him “Why would anyone care?”  
They were back in the hospital Kaidan realized, where her mind was on the events of Akuze, and not on survival but on trying to find a reason for it.  
“Peta,” Kaidan said hoping that using her name would pull her out of it a bit “You are worth the effort, I haven’t known you long but I know you are strong, stubborn - you just have to believe me when I say you are worth the effort.”  
“Trust you?” she frowned like it was a new idea “It’s… hard.”  
“Where is home for you?” He asked, changing the topic as they reached her floor.  
“I.. don’t have one. It’s why Anderson asked your family to help.” Peta sat in the wheelchair while the nurses fussed around.  
“I’m sorry” one of the nurses who they didn’t recognize stepped over to Kaidan, stopping him at the door to Peta’s room “Family only from this point.”  
“He is family.” Peta replied, “Plus he has been with me this whole time, do you honestly think he’s a threat?”  
“No, I mean… not.. “ she stuttered “Let me get my matron.”  
The nurse returned as Kaidan was helping Peta back onto the bed, she looked suitably chagrined.  
“I came to apologize, this isn’t my floor normally, I am filling in for someone.” she shook her head and glanced at Kaidan “I hear you wanted to know how to help her with the dressings on her legs?”  
“Yes, then I am going to pack her off to my family’s orchard.”  
“You are one lucky lady.” the nurse replied.

Kaidan knew that Peta had some serious burns on her feet and legs, but he had not seen them yet. She sat now with her legs free of the bandages. The nurse showed him how to clean the feet first.  
“We think the cause of the burns was the acid.” the nurse said quietly as she took a solution and cleaned the wound. The shape of the burn made this obvious, it ran in an ugly red drip pattern down both of Peta’s legs and pooled on the top of her feet. “They identified it as thresher maws.”  
“Do you mind if you don’t talk about this?”Kaidan said looking at the nurse “ It’s upsetting for her. Just show me how to do the job, I am trained as a medic anyhow.”  
He was told then how to clean it, and care for the wounds.  
“They don’t need to be covered as much,” the nurse said gesturing “Alliance soldiers are given gene therapy treatment to heal wounds faster, and Peta is healing just fine, albeit slower than we hoped for the burns.”  
“Right.” Kaidan nodded towards the cream and bandages “So I should pack this stuff to take with me for her ?”  
“Yes, it should be enough for her legs to heal within three weeks.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Check at the desk when you are leaving, they will sign her out into your care.” the nurse glanced at Peta, “Take care Miss Shepard, and again I apologize for before.”  
Peta nodded and the nurse left.

“You okay?” Kaidan asked as Peta stared at her covered legs.  
“Seeing my legs is… rough.” Peta replied. “I remember very little about being hurt or hurting, and the acid that hit my legs was diluted, through my armour, through my boots but still it was puddles of water with the acid… splashing I remember that.”  
“Water would dilute the acid, it was lucky. Would have killed you otherwise.”  
“Yeah. Lucky.”  
“Peta… “  
“I know I know, I have to consciously choose to live.” she nodded to the wheelchair “When are we going?”  
“You really want to get out of here?”  
“Yes.”  
“We can’t go until morning, I would love to just get out of the city.” Kaidan sighed, he had not been home for a year nearly, it was definitely going to be interesting with his Dad and Mom both there. “I might not be on the best terms with my Dad, last time we saw each other we kind of had a fight.”  
“Dad’s are tough.” Peta replied “Even if I haven’t had mine for eight years, we had our moments when I was younger. I can be a good distraction.”  
“Yeah, he will want to talk about your family that is for sure.” Kaidan nodded “Three weeks for your legs to heal huh?”  
“That is what they say, probably leave scars though, not that I mind, you can’t forget those things.” she sighed “Why? Is this important? DId Anderson make you take leave?”  
“Hackett seemed to think we should be assigned to the same vessel.”  
“Vessel?” Peta stared “What the hell?”  
“Why?”  
“I was only a ground soldier, you know sent in to secure ground settlement for the Alliance, just a grunt - not someone worth .. well.. Sticking on a ship.”  
“Why not? Aren't you getting promoted too?”  
“Yes, but I didn’t think…” Peta was still trying to get her head around serving in space, serving where her father had - and her mother still did.  
“Look if you don’t think serving with me is a good idea in three weeks - we can renegotiate with Admiral Hackett I am sure.” Kaidan replied, “Remember he thinks highly of you.”  
“Because I survived, and 49 other marines did not?”  
“No.” Kaidan had actually read her file, he already knew it wasn’t just about Akuze. “Your file speaks of someone highly skilled, good at their job.”  
“But I failed my men.”  
“No, I don’t think you had any choices down there, and I certainly don’t think anyone holds it against you.” Kaidan sighed “Look it’s late, get some sleep, I will be back in the morning to take you to the orchard.”


End file.
